For the first time since Edward Snowden’s revelations about wholesale surveillance broke last summer, the affair became the subject of conversations at the high table of European leaders.

In the end, though, leaders issued an anodyne statement saying they would keep talking to the Americans about the affair in private, with a view to settling matters by the end of the year.

"Spying on friends is not on, at all," declared Mrs Merkel as she arrived at an otherwise hum-drum summit in Brussels that was supposed to deal with issues such as promoting a single market in telecoms. As the meeting got under way, the Guardian reported that the numbers of at least 35 other leaders were being monitored. Who in the room had not been bugged, some wondered.

President François Hollande of France, who met Mrs Merkel for a 15-minute tête-à-tête over the affair (both France and Germany this week called in the American ambassadors to protest about the behaviour of America's National Security Agency), later said the real issue was not political espionage, but the covert war for commercial advantage. The leaders of Italy and Belgium were among those denouncing America’s spooks.

Had the leaders discussed halting negotiations on a transatlantic trade deal with America, as some in Brussels and Berlin had demanded? No, said Mrs Merkel. “If you leave the room, you have to figure out how you get back in.” What about suspending the EU-US agreement on exchanging financial data to track terrorist funding? The chancellor said she would have to study the issue in greater detail. Did she expect an apology from America? “I think the most important thing is to find a basis for co-operation in the future.”

One reason for such caution is that the Americans, though they run the biggest electronic eavesdropping operation, are not the only ones to do so. This is what Bernard Squarcini, the former head of France’s domestic intelligence agency, had to say to Le Figaro (French version here):

I'm bewildered by such worrying naiveté. You'd think the politicians don't read the reports they're sent—there shouldn't be any surprise...The agencies know perfectly well that every country, even when they cooperate on anti-terrorism, spies on its allies. The Americans spy on us on the commercial and industrial level like we spy on them, because it's in the national interest to defend our businesses. No one is a dupe.

A bigger factor is that European governments know they rely heavily on American intelligence co-operation to help prevent terrorist attacks. As German officials are the first to admit, information shared by America has helped save German lives—in Germany and abroad. Thus the statement issued by the 28 EU leaders lays great emphasis on the importance of the bilateral relationship, stressed the need for mutual trust and left it to France and Germany to conduct bilateral talks with America to reach “an understanding on mutual relations” in intelligence by the end of the year.

The full EU statement is in the last page of the conclusions here. The key passage is:

[The Heads of State or Government] stressed that intelligence gathering is a vital element in the fight against terrorism. This applies to relations between European countries as well as to relations with the USA. A lack of trust could prejudice the necessary cooperation in the field of intelligence gathering. The Heads of State or Government took note of the intention of France and Germany to seek bilateral talks with the USA with the aim of finding before the end of the year an understanding on mutual relations in that field. They noted that other EU countries are welcome to join this initiative.

So what precisely does Mrs Merkel want from America? Yardsticks, norms and standards, she said vaguely. In the end, think some, the price that America willl have to pay to settle the scandal may be to provide Germany with more of the intelligence shared among the Five Eyes: America, Britain, Canada, Australia and New Zealand.

It was never likely that the EU would have much to say on the affair. The union does not deal with spying (except to investigate allegations that EU offices had been bugged). Not even the French would want to Europeanise intelligence-sharing. But even where the EU does have a role, for instance in proposals to update data-privacy rules, the summit’s conclusions were rather tame:

It is important to foster the trust of citizens and businesses in the digital economy. The timely adoption of a strong EU General Data Protection framework and the Cyber-security Directive is essential for the completion of the Digital Single Market by 2015.

Even toughening up the rule—the European Parliament has reinstated a clause threatening to fine American companies that transfer data on European citizens without authorisation—will do nothing to prevent espionage.

The British, given their close intelligence relationship with America, have worked behind the scenes to tone down the summit statement. For instance they resisted attempts to set a deadline to approve data-protection rules by next spring, before elections for the European Parliament in May.

The British will be among those hoping that playing for time will allow the NSA affair to blow over and soothe wounded spirits. David Cameron, the British prime minister, will spend the second day of the summit promoting his campaign to cut the red tape of EU regulations. Tellingly, Mrs Merkel will be among those making the time to hear his case. But time may work the other way too, as the drip-drip of Mr Snowden's revelations corrodes the bonds between the Western allies.